Wednesday, November 5, 2008

My thought on babies

I don't have a baby yet and I am not sure I will ever have one.

Having observed how kids are like nowadays, it freaks me out. I used to babysit for a family when I first arrived in Paris as a student. The 14-year-old girl had more boyfriends in one go than I had ALL MY LIFE together. The 10-year-old boy played porno games on computer and the parents said it's fine.

I thought it was because I have a very conservative upbringing but as I have found out, it isn't me. It is just that parenthood is very different from what it was like before.

I know you are going to say, 'hey, you have never been a mother, you can't judge others'. I can't of course not. But even I am not a mother, I wouldn't understand how can a girl close the front door of the house on her mother's face because her mother said no to buying yet another toy. I wouldn't have allowed that. Our parents didn't allow us, did they?

Glad that I am not alone in thinking parents are too permissive nowadays, other bloggers apparently agree. (I thought I am a witch or something to think that girl who closed the door on her mother's face was a devil!)

I can also understand that both parents are working nowadays and they want to give them as much as they can to compensate for the fact that they are not there for the children more time than they could. I also know that a lot of women have children very late in their lives and it is some sort of achievement they feel, etc. I understand all these.

But darlings, letting your kids do whatever they want and you being obsessed about them is not helping. You don't need to be a mother to know that. You just need to be a sane adult to know.

Just to be clear, I am NOT against all parents, I am just talking about 'baby-people'. Do you have those 'baby-people' around you who can talk only about their babies? They don't have hobbies or anything else to talk about. They don't talk about their jobs or their own lives in general, they just talk about their babies. 'Oh, you can't believe it, she sat up yesterday!' 'Man, he slept the whole night through last night, it's big progress, isn't it?' Do you have one or many of those people around you? Honestly, I don't know about you, but I wonder if anyone out there apart from themselves the parents, close family member and close friends will care about if the above-quoted baby have slept through the whole night.

I remember my dad told me a story when I was little. (My dad is a good story-teller, he likes to tell stories).

Once upon a time, there was this evil boy who was a bully in the village. His parents were rich and he was the only son. They let him does whatever he wanted. But they were rich and they got him a job as the officer of court (it is a Chinese story, we got officer of court to represent the king in different regions). He messed around and stole money from the government, etc. He finally got into jail and on the death roll. It broke his mother heart. She went to see him and asked him, 'darling, what do you need?' She tried to touch his face across the bar in the jail. He came forward and bit part of the flesh from her arm off. She cried and wondered, 'why do you do that darling?' He said, 'it is ALL your fault, why didn't you teach me what is right and what is wrong? Now, I am on the death roll, you kill me, you are the murderer!!!'

The story is a bit bloody, to the contrary of what European thinks about us being zen and all, many of Chinese traditional stories are bloody. Apologies if the story freaked you out a little. However, I hope the freak-out effect will make you think a little, just as it did to me when I was little.

Here is another thing, try to be obsessed over other things that matter in your life, eg. knitting, cars, stamps, model trains whatever and talk about these stuff around the clock with people. What will people do? People won't take it. But if you talk about babiessssss, then people will think you are a witch if you don't listen to them. What has the world become? But then again, the 'baby-people' is just one of the fuck up things we have in the world nowadays. If you keep an eye on this blog, I will eventually talk about them. Or, rather, those things will eventually pissed me off enough to deserve a blog entry.

In the meantime, hey, why can't I talk about my baby the whole freaking day long? Look at him, isn't he cute? What? You have a baby and he is my baby. If I choose not to have children and have cats, you should respect me as much as I respect you and let me talk about my cat the whole freaking day long, alright? Try again, look at him, he might be a bit more hairy than yours but he is real nice. He won't grow up and call you from a police station to ask for a bail. No matter how much you spoil him, tell him he is a king or a god or he doesn't have to give a crap about other passengers on the bus.


alicia said...

i love your writing, you are a good story teller too, i wonder why no body leave you comment,

jasong said...


Jan Pope said...

DO what suits you! I chose not to have any children - it suits me. my neighbor has twins - it suits her. I can't say that my life is any better or worse than hers.

Christina Siegel said...

I am the mother of 5 under 5 years old and I agree with much of what you have to say. It is funny but the last thing I want to talk about when out is my kids. My parents try to spoil the kids toys and sweets and things and it drives me mad. I have to be strong and can't give in to their whining all the time. But sometimes I feel people might look at me in shops and things because I just say "no" and move on they might start crying but I just walk away they have to learn. As your story suggests best start young. Sometimes they say "that's not fair" and I say "life's not fair - tough". I feel I am giving them more this way than with toys. With a recession/depression coming my kids are going to be less shocked than most.

Blend said...

You are an excellent story teller. your writing has good content and quality, something every pet lover loves to read and know..........

Anonymous said...

Not having children yourself doesn't mean your opinions on child-rearing are invalid. I am childless but was reasonably well-parented, and I have no trouble seeing which parents are blowing it due to their need to be "liked" by their children. Blog on!!!

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