Monday, April 20, 2009

I am back!

Guys, I know I have been disappeared for a while. There have been a lot of things going on for the past few months since my last entry, starting by crazy Christmas knitting...

I don't know if I shall do this Christmas knitting thing again. I thought it would be fun, but it turns out (like many of you have already known) to be very stressful to make sure everyone is happy. I am a PA by trade, it is stressful enough as it is to make sure everyone in the office is happy with the Christmas party! (turns out, like every year, they are NOT happy, there is always someone...)

Then January, I was still struggling with my Christmas knitting, depressing January, I don't have to go in details, you know what I mean.

February, the coursework from my Cat Behaviour course starts to roll on (I will tell you the details in the coming days, coz it is so funny that it deserves separate entries).

March, the big trip back to Hong Kong. I was so freaked out that my man won't like my hometown, won't like my folks (vice versa of course), my friends will think I am an alien because I don't dress the same, etc.

I have been feeling a bit depressed after all these months, it is a long story, will you get a cup of coffee or tea and listen?

Here is how it goes...my grandmother was seriously ill in the hospital in December, well, she was dying, we all knew that. You know when you got to the point that all of your family couldn't do anything but wait? On top of that, as you can imagine, there will always be legal stuff regarding to inheritance for time like that. People are crying, fighting, etc. I am sure I am not alone, it happens to a lot of family.

However, I realise one thing is not right. I went to work every day, I have to put on a smiley face.

Some people in the office knows about the story, but I work in a bank. Those of you who work in a corporate environment will see what I mean. In the corporate world, there is just a lack of human touch that you are SUPPOSED to have a smiley face. You are SUPPOSED to be professional, banker looking, etc. I don't know if it has ever happened to you that you sit down and think, 'hey, that's not right, I am a human being!' Then the ball starts rolling. I realise working in a corporate environment is not right. I am sure many of you feel very comfortable about it, but I realise I don't. I hope I can explain myself clearly. Imagine if I were to work in a shop in a village or I am a farmer, the whole village of people won't expect me to smile and chat away while they know my grandma is dying, right? That's what I am saying if you see where I am getting to.

I just can't stop thinking about this subject. I talked to Stephanie from a LYS the YarnRoom. One of the thing she said keep haunting me. She said, 'I have tried all these, being corporate people and all, but I am so happy now to be running my little yarn store.' I looked at this woman standing in front of me, in the cold and rain of Ireland, minding her little booth in the Sunday farmer market, she is contented. She went on to say, 'because you know all your efforts goes to your own benefit, not of the other, that's a good feeling.'

As if it is a sign from some superior power, I fell into the story of Jenna Woginrich, then I just come to an awareness that, 'hey, I am not alone to feel that; spending most of your waking hours in a cubicle farm, staring at the screen, dressing the way you are supposed to and pretending you love the company, etc; is not humaine!' Especially all the financial crisis that happened since then makes us realise, we are just a number on a piece of paper to those corporate executives. Hey, crap, I do have a number, that's the number I use to communicate with some far away IT help desk people when my computer has a problem. To the company, I am not my name, I am the number. There are people around me who worked for certain companies for 10 years, they have a laugh and share 8 hours every day with their colleagues and bosses, one day, they could come to you and said, we are going bankrupt, sorry, don't come back tomorrow, we won't be able to pay. A company with 20 staff won't go bankrupt in one day, it is just bad behaviour not to tell people until the last minute if you ask me.

However, this enlightment is not totally a pleasant thing, because now, I am just thinking of GETTING OUT OF HERE every day! It is driving me insane!

It is all too depressing. I couldn't bring myself together to write about all these until today because there was just too many things happened in my head in one go that I wasn't sure I could put them down without sounding negative. Thanks to some of you who left comments to cheer me up on my writing, I am back here today and will be around from now on.
I am not just sitting here and whining about my life though, I do have an action plan! Once I finish my first year of Cat Behaviour study, I will start up a cat sitting company to serve the Dublin area. I would rather to be working with cats and their owner who care about the same thing as I do than figures, targets and balance sheet. So if anyone of you are looking for a cat sitter with professional training, I am here!

I am so going to read these books and rest assured that the topic of my road to self-employment will keep coming back from now on.